Over the past nine weeks I have been exploring what it means to engage in creative prayer and I have learned more than I thought I would. If you'd like to see more specifics, check out my previous posts. In general though, I have learned that prayer looks so much different than I ever knew it could.
Prayer seems to spring up within us if we can only quiet our minds, it does not need to be forced or follow any given format. Growing up I learned that prayer was kind of like a letter, it has an introduction, it has a middle and it has an end. Of course the introduction is your invocation or calling on of God's name and your end is the "Amen". The body of the prayer is come combination of thanking God and asking for God to interceede on both your behalf and the behalf of others. This form of prayer is most commonly found throughout our church services and in our small groups and yet this is only one kind of prayer among a limitless number of ways to pray.
What I found the most amazing was that when I was able to get out of my own way. When I was able to let go of how I thought I "should" pray or what I "should be praying for" and simply spent some quiet time with God that my prayers seemed to bubble up to the surface. What was even more amazing to me than this was the depth that my prayers had. It was as though I was finally listening to something deeper than the immediate fleeting thoughts that consume my day. It was as though I was able to hear my own deep yearnings and desires that I normally do not let into the light of the day. I was able to hear God speaking in my life. And I was able to hear and see those around me and their deep joys and needs.
It's pretty amazing; you stop thinking and worrying about what you should be praying for and your actually opened up and able to see the things that need prayer. There is a simplicity to it and yet it is so incredibly difficult to get to that place of deep listening.
Over these past few weeks I have learned a lot about myself, my own deep desires and yearnings as well as about what God is saying to me and how my eyes have been opened to those I encounter. I look forward to exploring this further and seeing where m practices take me.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Created to Create
Truth be told, I meant to write this post about nine weeks ago when I began this journey into creativity and prayer. As part of this class, besides the random google-ing I've done about prayer and creativity, different artistic practices and techniques and the background of movement in meditation and prayer I was also tasked with reading a chapter or two from Daniel Wolpert's book "Creating a Life with God".
If you haven't read this or any of Daniel's other books, I highly recommend you take the time to do so. They are accessible and inspiring. In this book, Daniel has a chapter called "Creativity and the Divine: To Create is to Pray". For being a short chapter (only 10 pages) it packs quite the punch, explaining what it means to be created to create and what that means for prayer.
Daniel begins with the Bible and the fundamental and foundational image of God as one who creates which is carried out not only through the Genesis story but through the entire Biblical narrative. He explains that "Creativity is the sign that God is God; no one else can create as God creates." (92). At first hearing this, it would seem as though we should all throw in the towel since nothing we create could ever amount to anything compared to God. But then, Daniel links the creative power of God to God's love. It is through the love of God that all things are created and brought into life and that includes human beings who have been created not only by God but in the image and likeness of God. Daniel says, "So, just as God sees visions of what is to be created and then creates, so too we are designed to see visions and create in accordance with the power and presence of God in our lives." (92).
We are created out of love and given the power and ability to enter into that creative process. This is a pretty basic idea found throughout the Bible but how does it relate to prayer? It is very simple actually. Prayer connects us with God and creativity connects us with the creative power and creative acts of God and that means that entering into creativity becomes a prayer practice.
We are all created to create and it is our own leanings and getting-in-the-ways that separate us from this form of prayer. We have all grown up in a culture that teaches us that we are not creative and yet the more I have talked with people the more I have heard an underlying desire to create despite feeling inadequate and under qualified. I believe this desire trumps what we have been taught by the world because it has been written into our very DNA by the creator of world. But in order to engage in creative acts, in this kind of prayer, we must get out of our own way and trust in the creativity that is within us. So I leave you with a quote from Hildegard of Bingen:
"Humanity too is God's creation. But humanity alone is called to co-operate with God in the creation."
If you haven't read this or any of Daniel's other books, I highly recommend you take the time to do so. They are accessible and inspiring. In this book, Daniel has a chapter called "Creativity and the Divine: To Create is to Pray". For being a short chapter (only 10 pages) it packs quite the punch, explaining what it means to be created to create and what that means for prayer.
Daniel begins with the Bible and the fundamental and foundational image of God as one who creates which is carried out not only through the Genesis story but through the entire Biblical narrative. He explains that "Creativity is the sign that God is God; no one else can create as God creates." (92). At first hearing this, it would seem as though we should all throw in the towel since nothing we create could ever amount to anything compared to God. But then, Daniel links the creative power of God to God's love. It is through the love of God that all things are created and brought into life and that includes human beings who have been created not only by God but in the image and likeness of God. Daniel says, "So, just as God sees visions of what is to be created and then creates, so too we are designed to see visions and create in accordance with the power and presence of God in our lives." (92).
We are created out of love and given the power and ability to enter into that creative process. This is a pretty basic idea found throughout the Bible but how does it relate to prayer? It is very simple actually. Prayer connects us with God and creativity connects us with the creative power and creative acts of God and that means that entering into creativity becomes a prayer practice.
We are all created to create and it is our own leanings and getting-in-the-ways that separate us from this form of prayer. We have all grown up in a culture that teaches us that we are not creative and yet the more I have talked with people the more I have heard an underlying desire to create despite feeling inadequate and under qualified. I believe this desire trumps what we have been taught by the world because it has been written into our very DNA by the creator of world. But in order to engage in creative acts, in this kind of prayer, we must get out of our own way and trust in the creativity that is within us. So I leave you with a quote from Hildegard of Bingen:
"Humanity too is God's creation. But humanity alone is called to co-operate with God in the creation."
Thursday, November 21, 2013
The Not so Glamorous Side of Prayer
So this is the last week of my class and my last prayer practice for it. Make no mistake, I will carry many of these practices with me from this moment forward both in my own personal prayer life as well as in my professional ministry life.
I have long been intrigued by the stories of monks who tackle daily tasks at their monistaries and turn them into part of their prayer practice. Tending the garden, baking bread, scrubbing the floors and any number of other every day activities are transformed into a meditative or contemplative prayer practice that helps to draw them closer to God even as their hands or bodies are busy with other tasks. For me, engaging my body in some kind of regular activity, whether it is cooking dinner or going for a walk has always allowed my mind to quiet and get out of the way, so attempting some kind of daily activity as prayer sounded like a good next step.
This week I decided to try this as I cleaned my horse's stall. Anyone who has taken part of this incredibly "earthy" task knows that with it comes, on its worst days a feeling of drudgery and on its best a theraputic quality. So as I walked up to the stall, pitchfork in hand and trailing the wheelburrow I began to think about who I should pray for and was once again immediately in my own way. So I settled into the normal rhythem of scooping and tossing and as my body worked my mind let go of all the shoulds, quieted down and started to wander to loved ones and those I have encountered over the past few days and weeks. And with each scoop they were lifted up to God, both with thanks and with requests.
When I was done with the stall I almost felt as though it was too simple, there were no elaborate and flowing words and yet that didn't matter. Through my movement I was able to get out of my own way and the prayers simply flowed without needing to use any words and this is what I learned:
1. muscle memory is key to this kind of prayer so that our minds can let go and wander
2. letting go of the traditional way we have been taught to pray with words is really hard to do
3. when all else fails get moving and focus on the task at hand, the prayers will come and even if they don't you've at least accomplished something, but trust me, the prayers will come
4. we don't always need words, a memory or an emotion means just as much if not more than the words we would try to use to say the same thing
5. this really does take a lot of practice
I have long been intrigued by the stories of monks who tackle daily tasks at their monistaries and turn them into part of their prayer practice. Tending the garden, baking bread, scrubbing the floors and any number of other every day activities are transformed into a meditative or contemplative prayer practice that helps to draw them closer to God even as their hands or bodies are busy with other tasks. For me, engaging my body in some kind of regular activity, whether it is cooking dinner or going for a walk has always allowed my mind to quiet and get out of the way, so attempting some kind of daily activity as prayer sounded like a good next step.
This week I decided to try this as I cleaned my horse's stall. Anyone who has taken part of this incredibly "earthy" task knows that with it comes, on its worst days a feeling of drudgery and on its best a theraputic quality. So as I walked up to the stall, pitchfork in hand and trailing the wheelburrow I began to think about who I should pray for and was once again immediately in my own way. So I settled into the normal rhythem of scooping and tossing and as my body worked my mind let go of all the shoulds, quieted down and started to wander to loved ones and those I have encountered over the past few days and weeks. And with each scoop they were lifted up to God, both with thanks and with requests.
When I was done with the stall I almost felt as though it was too simple, there were no elaborate and flowing words and yet that didn't matter. Through my movement I was able to get out of my own way and the prayers simply flowed without needing to use any words and this is what I learned:
1. muscle memory is key to this kind of prayer so that our minds can let go and wander
2. letting go of the traditional way we have been taught to pray with words is really hard to do
3. when all else fails get moving and focus on the task at hand, the prayers will come and even if they don't you've at least accomplished something, but trust me, the prayers will come
4. we don't always need words, a memory or an emotion means just as much if not more than the words we would try to use to say the same thing
5. this really does take a lot of practice
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Joys of Creativity and Collaboration
Just ran across this article about the beauty of childhood creativity
Lately I have seen many things going around on pinterest and facebook about letting your child start a drawing and then the parent finishing it and I thought, this is a fun and amazing way to enter into artwork with your children, spark creativity and encourage their confidence. This article however is seemingly in a whole different ball park. This mother begins by sketching a portrait and allows her daughter to finish it. Rather than the adult pulling the image together in a tidy bow, she allows her child to. I know this is a small difference and yet it speaks to me in an amazing way and I think Mica's (the mother) words capture this feeling that I have. She says, "I learned that if you have a preconceived notion of how something should be, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE DISAPPOINTED. Instead, just go with it, just ACCEPT it, because usually something even more wonderful will come out of it."
This is the lesson I have learned over and over again lately, whether it was through my own attempts at artwork, prayer or even my stewardship Bible study. It is about letting go and accepting ourselves and the outcome rather than trying to bully it into what we think it should be. It's hard to do and yet when we're able to "just go with it" I have found that the outcome is always more amazing, profound and intense than I could have ever come up with on my own. This is the joy of creativity and what I believe to be the working of the Holy Spirit within us, to create amazing things that would have otherwise been unreachable for us alone.
So be creative! Enter into some kind of creative act and just go with it, accept it, get out of your own way and allow God to move within it and you won't be disappointed.
Lately I have seen many things going around on pinterest and facebook about letting your child start a drawing and then the parent finishing it and I thought, this is a fun and amazing way to enter into artwork with your children, spark creativity and encourage their confidence. This article however is seemingly in a whole different ball park. This mother begins by sketching a portrait and allows her daughter to finish it. Rather than the adult pulling the image together in a tidy bow, she allows her child to. I know this is a small difference and yet it speaks to me in an amazing way and I think Mica's (the mother) words capture this feeling that I have. She says, "I learned that if you have a preconceived notion of how something should be, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE DISAPPOINTED. Instead, just go with it, just ACCEPT it, because usually something even more wonderful will come out of it."
This is the lesson I have learned over and over again lately, whether it was through my own attempts at artwork, prayer or even my stewardship Bible study. It is about letting go and accepting ourselves and the outcome rather than trying to bully it into what we think it should be. It's hard to do and yet when we're able to "just go with it" I have found that the outcome is always more amazing, profound and intense than I could have ever come up with on my own. This is the joy of creativity and what I believe to be the working of the Holy Spirit within us, to create amazing things that would have otherwise been unreachable for us alone.
So be creative! Enter into some kind of creative act and just go with it, accept it, get out of your own way and allow God to move within it and you won't be disappointed.
Tips and Tricks for Starting a New Creative Prayer Practice
Throughout this journey, I have found a few things helpful in clearing the mind and settling into a creative prayer practice and thought I would share them with anyone who might read this and want to give it a shot. So here they are in no particular order:
1. Pull out your materials and have everything ready, within arms reach and organized so that you can enjoy your practice and be "in the zone".
2. Listen: listen to yourself, listen to God, listen to the day
3. YOU CANNOT DO THIS WRONG! Remember that there is no right or wrong way to do this so be gentle with yourself
4. You are doing this for you and God and no one else. It does not matter what anyone else thinks about your artwork. It is a part of you.
5. Don't be afraid to express a side of yourself you don't normally let into the light. I often present prayers of thanks or joy and repress prayers of pain or struggle in my own life but this is the time to express your deepest and truest emotions, desires, thoughts and self to God.
6. If you're having trouble getting started take a few deep breaths, let go of any frustration or expectations. Begin not by figuring out what your painting or sculpture will look like but instead with one color or one shape and let the rest flow from there.
7. I find it helpful to have a comfortable space (a comfortable chair, open window, natural light etc.) and a hot cup of tea so that I can relax and more quickly let go of the day and calm my mind and body. This creation of space helps me to set this time aside as sacred.
8. Don't give yourself too many options. By this I mean stick with 2 or 3 colors to begin with or a small piece of clay. You can always add more as you go but by starting with a limited number of options you can avoid any extra feelings of being overwhelmed.
9. If you find yourself unsure of where to start and silence/meditation isn't working try reading a Psalm; they are the long held prayers of those who have come before us and can speak to us in ways that allow us to hear our own hearts.
10. If you begin to get frustrated take a break. Take a short walk, grab another cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, and begin again. Not every day or every attempt will bring about a piece of artwork or a prayer but it is in the practicing that we are able to more clearly listen to ourselves and God.
1. Pull out your materials and have everything ready, within arms reach and organized so that you can enjoy your practice and be "in the zone".
2. Listen: listen to yourself, listen to God, listen to the day
3. YOU CANNOT DO THIS WRONG! Remember that there is no right or wrong way to do this so be gentle with yourself
4. You are doing this for you and God and no one else. It does not matter what anyone else thinks about your artwork. It is a part of you.
5. Don't be afraid to express a side of yourself you don't normally let into the light. I often present prayers of thanks or joy and repress prayers of pain or struggle in my own life but this is the time to express your deepest and truest emotions, desires, thoughts and self to God.
6. If you're having trouble getting started take a few deep breaths, let go of any frustration or expectations. Begin not by figuring out what your painting or sculpture will look like but instead with one color or one shape and let the rest flow from there.
7. I find it helpful to have a comfortable space (a comfortable chair, open window, natural light etc.) and a hot cup of tea so that I can relax and more quickly let go of the day and calm my mind and body. This creation of space helps me to set this time aside as sacred.
8. Don't give yourself too many options. By this I mean stick with 2 or 3 colors to begin with or a small piece of clay. You can always add more as you go but by starting with a limited number of options you can avoid any extra feelings of being overwhelmed.
9. If you find yourself unsure of where to start and silence/meditation isn't working try reading a Psalm; they are the long held prayers of those who have come before us and can speak to us in ways that allow us to hear our own hearts.
10. If you begin to get frustrated take a break. Take a short walk, grab another cup of tea, take a few deep breaths, and begin again. Not every day or every attempt will bring about a piece of artwork or a prayer but it is in the practicing that we are able to more clearly listen to ourselves and God.
Friday, November 15, 2013
A Very Windy Walk Through Town
Today I decided to try a new prayer practice. It's a beautiful, sunny, almost 50 degree day so I thought it would be a good chance to try walking around town and praying. I had high hopes to begin with, I mean how hard could this possibly be. Well the answer is: a LOT harder than I thought. The trouble was that my mind was wandering hard core. I would do ok for a while, being mindful of the houses, businesses or people around me and lifting them up to God but then I'd start to think about how I was going to write about this, what was left on my to do list, what to have for dinner and get at the store and on and on. And then to top it off, I turned the corner and got a face full of wind and like a silly person I didn't bring a hat with me and as my ears got colder the harder it was to snap myself back into a prayerful/mindful mindset.
As I was beginning to feel as though today's attempt at a new prayer practice was an utter failure, I made one last ditch effort to salvage my attempt. I decided I was trying to do too much. I was trying to be aware of all the houses and people and businesses around me, lift them up to God, walk and keep my mind from wandering. So I switched gears to something incredibly simple. I focused on each step I was taking and tried not to worry or think about anything else. To my amazement, it worked, or at least I think it did. In the refocusing and quieting of my mind and body a hymn came into my head; What a Fellowship, What a Joy Divine.
What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms;
what a blessedness, what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, leaning on the everlasting arms;
oh, how bright the path grows from day to day, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
What have I to dread, what have I to fear, leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
This hymn is my prayer today. It is my prayer for the people of our town who have, over the past few days experienced so much pain and sorrow. It is my prayer that we would know this peace and love and joy and that we would be able to lean in God's arms.
So all in all, it wasn't a completely hopeless attempt at prayer and here is what I learned:
1. If it's November, even a really beautiful day in November, make sure to bring a hat with you.
2. I need more practice.
3. Prayer can't be forced, it just happens.
As I was beginning to feel as though today's attempt at a new prayer practice was an utter failure, I made one last ditch effort to salvage my attempt. I decided I was trying to do too much. I was trying to be aware of all the houses and people and businesses around me, lift them up to God, walk and keep my mind from wandering. So I switched gears to something incredibly simple. I focused on each step I was taking and tried not to worry or think about anything else. To my amazement, it worked, or at least I think it did. In the refocusing and quieting of my mind and body a hymn came into my head; What a Fellowship, What a Joy Divine.
What a fellowship, what a joy divine, leaning on the everlasting arms;
what a blessedness, what a peace is mine, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Oh, how sweet to walk in this pilgrim way, leaning on the everlasting arms;
oh, how bright the path grows from day to day, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
What have I to dread, what have I to fear, leaning on the everlasting arms;
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near, leaning on the everlasting arms.
Leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all alarms;
leaning, leaning, leaning on the everlasting arms.
This hymn is my prayer today. It is my prayer for the people of our town who have, over the past few days experienced so much pain and sorrow. It is my prayer that we would know this peace and love and joy and that we would be able to lean in God's arms.
So all in all, it wasn't a completely hopeless attempt at prayer and here is what I learned:
1. If it's November, even a really beautiful day in November, make sure to bring a hat with you.
2. I need more practice.
3. Prayer can't be forced, it just happens.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Yoga
So I'm a week behind in actually writing this post but such is life sometimes. This week I began my three weeks of exploring what it means to move and pray. Over the past six weeks I have explored what it looks like and means to pray my prayers to God through painting, to listen to what God is saying to me through sculpture and now it's time to attempt to be pushed out to pray for others through movement. A little weird at first I must admit, but surprisingly awesome.
When first crafting this class I thought it would be amazing to work with some kind of dance instructor and explore prayer through that creative medium but dance instructors are in short supply here in Kittson county so I redirected to other types of movement. This week I decided to start with something I know at least a little about; yoga. I first started doing yoga a few years ago, not that I'm an expert by any means, but I do have some of the basics under my belt. Two years ago a yoga instructor planted a seed that has intrigued me ever since; dedicating your practice to someone or something. At first I didn't quite understand what this would look like, feel like or do and it was clunky to say the least. What exactly happens when I dedicate my practice to someone else? Is it some kind of magical transference? Well, probably not. But what I have found out since is that it's an ancient Buddhist practice that seeks to send the benefits of the practice, the centering, calm and cleansing, to that which you have dedicated your practice to. It gives you something or someone to focus on and send your light and love to.
To be completely honest, I had forgotten about this part of yoga practice until recently and decided to give it a shot again but in more prayerful focus. So I began by sitting on my yoga mat, breathing and deciding to dedicate my practice, to pray, for my husband. He was a natural choice as he has been so amazing to me throughout our entire relationship but especially through this pregnancy. Now came the hard part. I'd decided to dedicate the practice to him but what does that really mean? Do I just focus on him, holding him at the forefront of my mind and trying to send him the good vibes that come from yoga or do I actively pray for him, intercessing on his behalf to God? I couldn't pick so I just began my pratice and hoped for the best, trying to keep focused on him through all the breathing and stretching.
The interesting thing was that it was much easier than I thought it would be and it actually made my practice more enjoyable. It was as though we were sharing in this yoga practice together, which any of you who have taken a yoga class know that it's way better with a friend than by yourself. What also surprised me was that in focusing on Frank made it easier to hold poses for longer amounts of time. I had him to focus on rather than my aching/shaking legs or my horrible lack of balance now that my proportions are off. And it was incredibly joyful to go through the movments and think that in some small way I was sharing the peace and calm that I was feeling with him.
So I didn't actively pray for Frank but I did focus on him, keep him at the forefront of my mind and not just focus on myself. As I went through my yoga practice there were moments where this came naturally and there were moments where I worried that this wasn't actually prayer. But when I had finished I realized that it was prayer, and maybe a powerful kind of prayer, that I had never known before. It was prayer that didn't need words but instead focus and attention and movement. It allowed me to get out of my own way, out of my own inward and at times selfish focus and spend time focusing on someone else, someone that I love very much. It was not asking for my own wants and desires for him but instead just lifting him up to God.
When first crafting this class I thought it would be amazing to work with some kind of dance instructor and explore prayer through that creative medium but dance instructors are in short supply here in Kittson county so I redirected to other types of movement. This week I decided to start with something I know at least a little about; yoga. I first started doing yoga a few years ago, not that I'm an expert by any means, but I do have some of the basics under my belt. Two years ago a yoga instructor planted a seed that has intrigued me ever since; dedicating your practice to someone or something. At first I didn't quite understand what this would look like, feel like or do and it was clunky to say the least. What exactly happens when I dedicate my practice to someone else? Is it some kind of magical transference? Well, probably not. But what I have found out since is that it's an ancient Buddhist practice that seeks to send the benefits of the practice, the centering, calm and cleansing, to that which you have dedicated your practice to. It gives you something or someone to focus on and send your light and love to.
To be completely honest, I had forgotten about this part of yoga practice until recently and decided to give it a shot again but in more prayerful focus. So I began by sitting on my yoga mat, breathing and deciding to dedicate my practice, to pray, for my husband. He was a natural choice as he has been so amazing to me throughout our entire relationship but especially through this pregnancy. Now came the hard part. I'd decided to dedicate the practice to him but what does that really mean? Do I just focus on him, holding him at the forefront of my mind and trying to send him the good vibes that come from yoga or do I actively pray for him, intercessing on his behalf to God? I couldn't pick so I just began my pratice and hoped for the best, trying to keep focused on him through all the breathing and stretching.
The interesting thing was that it was much easier than I thought it would be and it actually made my practice more enjoyable. It was as though we were sharing in this yoga practice together, which any of you who have taken a yoga class know that it's way better with a friend than by yourself. What also surprised me was that in focusing on Frank made it easier to hold poses for longer amounts of time. I had him to focus on rather than my aching/shaking legs or my horrible lack of balance now that my proportions are off. And it was incredibly joyful to go through the movments and think that in some small way I was sharing the peace and calm that I was feeling with him.
So I didn't actively pray for Frank but I did focus on him, keep him at the forefront of my mind and not just focus on myself. As I went through my yoga practice there were moments where this came naturally and there were moments where I worried that this wasn't actually prayer. But when I had finished I realized that it was prayer, and maybe a powerful kind of prayer, that I had never known before. It was prayer that didn't need words but instead focus and attention and movement. It allowed me to get out of my own way, out of my own inward and at times selfish focus and spend time focusing on someone else, someone that I love very much. It was not asking for my own wants and desires for him but instead just lifting him up to God.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Pay Attention!
This week is my last week with clay, gosh it went fast. It is also the last week of focusing on what God is saying to me in prayer (it's not really the last week of this, but for the sake of my class it is). Up until this point I have focused my prayer with meditation and listened to what I think God is saying to me and this week I decided to take a slightly different focus. This week I picked a piece of scripture and listened to what God is saying to me through the scripture. I chose to look at Matthew 6:19-24 which my Bible study groups will be focusing on this week. I think I chose to look at this piece of scripture because this is what I struggle with in my own stewardship story, the dreaded financial stewardship, and I wanted to see where God was leading me through these words:
"'Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and ruse and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have. You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both." (Message)
As I read through these verses several times (lectio style), I was captivated by verses 22-23 "Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have." And with these words came the image of an open window looking out into the world with wonder and delight of all that God has created. So I began to sculpt.
I was being reminded to keep my eyes open, to see the treasures that God has placed in my life, see the world God has created and go out into it. Nothing that I have belongs to me, it all belongs to God and it is how I use it all that shows which god I worship. This is the message we have been talking about a lot in my Bible studies and I suppose it is the message God is sharing with me as well (I guess we never stop learning ;)) . It means that I must pay attention; pay attention to how I use what I have been given and to especially pay attention to those I encounter and where their need is. In this way, I can have my eyes wide open in wonder and belief and in turn be filled up with light. I will know where my treasure lies and it will not be in my own possessions and gifts but in Christ. That is what I'm being told today; PAY ATTENTION. Do not be so focused on yourself and give freely of all you have and are.
"'Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or - worse! - stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and ruse and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have. You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both." (Message)
As I read through these verses several times (lectio style), I was captivated by verses 22-23 "Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have." And with these words came the image of an open window looking out into the world with wonder and delight of all that God has created. So I began to sculpt.
I was being reminded to keep my eyes open, to see the treasures that God has placed in my life, see the world God has created and go out into it. Nothing that I have belongs to me, it all belongs to God and it is how I use it all that shows which god I worship. This is the message we have been talking about a lot in my Bible studies and I suppose it is the message God is sharing with me as well (I guess we never stop learning ;)) . It means that I must pay attention; pay attention to how I use what I have been given and to especially pay attention to those I encounter and where their need is. In this way, I can have my eyes wide open in wonder and belief and in turn be filled up with light. I will know where my treasure lies and it will not be in my own possessions and gifts but in Christ. That is what I'm being told today; PAY ATTENTION. Do not be so focused on yourself and give freely of all you have and are.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Patience
Yesterday I sat down, pulled out my clay and spent some quiet time listening to what God is saying to me today. I have to admit, this kind of listening to God or discernment seems to be easier than listening to my own deep needs, wants and desires but sculpting the response seems to be a bit trickier than painting. Maybe this is easier because I have more practice or maybe it seems easier because of all the time I've spent engaging scripture and God's people with the Bible study I've been leading. Being in conversation with others around our daily practices of stewardship and encouraging one another to use those practices in God's world and where God is calling us seems to be a pretty good jumping off point for my creative prayer practices. I don't seem to get in my own way or worry if what I make will be good or right instead there seems to be a slight worry that what I am hearing will be from within me rather than from God and I'm not sure what to do with that. I guess it's part of the questions we all have when in the discernment process. But as a man in one of my Bible studies this week said, "we can only try and listen to where God is leading us and hope that if we're on the wrong path God will straighten us out." I thought that was pretty profound.
So yesterday I sat down at my table in silence, pulled out my clay and began warming it up in my hands, listening (I use Sculpy clay for those of you wondering. It doesn't ever seem to dry out as long as you keep in in zip lock baggies and you can bake it when done.) And as the clay warmed in my hand a word came to mind; patience, and then an image; cocoon. So I began sculpting, firsts a cocoon and then a leaf and as I worked my mind continued to stay quiet except about what this image means in my life and soon the image of a cocoon and the word of patience had a whole lot more meaning for me.
Right now, I am on the cusp of so much newness and at times it can be overwhelming to try and imagine what the next 6 months looks like with a new baby, a changing marriage relationship, finishing the candidacy and schooling process, graduating and seeking a call not to mention trying to envision what the next 5 years looks like. I just don't know, and for all of those of you who know me, I like to have a plan and right now my plan is pretty vague. Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited about all of it; getting to meet our little girl, sharing in that with my husband, finishing up classes and internship and the candidacy process and setting out to see what God has in store for me but there are also many unknowns. And yesterday, and today for that matter, God is reminding me to be patient, just as a butterfly must be patient before it sets out into the world with a new set of wings. Right now I am in a cocoon. It is relatively safe and secure (just like internship and school) and yet the whole wide world awaits outside its protective walls. I may not know what is ahead of me and my family but I do know that just as God provides for all of the plants and animals, He also provides for all our needs. I do not need to try and look far into the future and see what is coming, it is not time for that right now. Right now, I need to be patient, stay in my cocoon a little longer and wait to see what my wings and the rest of the world will look like. It's not an easy thing to hear, that it is time to be patient and not worry about planning too far ahead but it is a good reminder to live in the moment and enjoy what I have been blessed with now inside my safe little cocoon.
So yesterday I sat down at my table in silence, pulled out my clay and began warming it up in my hands, listening (I use Sculpy clay for those of you wondering. It doesn't ever seem to dry out as long as you keep in in zip lock baggies and you can bake it when done.) And as the clay warmed in my hand a word came to mind; patience, and then an image; cocoon. So I began sculpting, firsts a cocoon and then a leaf and as I worked my mind continued to stay quiet except about what this image means in my life and soon the image of a cocoon and the word of patience had a whole lot more meaning for me.
Right now, I am on the cusp of so much newness and at times it can be overwhelming to try and imagine what the next 6 months looks like with a new baby, a changing marriage relationship, finishing the candidacy and schooling process, graduating and seeking a call not to mention trying to envision what the next 5 years looks like. I just don't know, and for all of those of you who know me, I like to have a plan and right now my plan is pretty vague. Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited about all of it; getting to meet our little girl, sharing in that with my husband, finishing up classes and internship and the candidacy process and setting out to see what God has in store for me but there are also many unknowns. And yesterday, and today for that matter, God is reminding me to be patient, just as a butterfly must be patient before it sets out into the world with a new set of wings. Right now I am in a cocoon. It is relatively safe and secure (just like internship and school) and yet the whole wide world awaits outside its protective walls. I may not know what is ahead of me and my family but I do know that just as God provides for all of the plants and animals, He also provides for all our needs. I do not need to try and look far into the future and see what is coming, it is not time for that right now. Right now, I need to be patient, stay in my cocoon a little longer and wait to see what my wings and the rest of the world will look like. It's not an easy thing to hear, that it is time to be patient and not worry about planning too far ahead but it is a good reminder to live in the moment and enjoy what I have been blessed with now inside my safe little cocoon.
Friday, October 25, 2013
The Simplicity of Clay
This week began my three week journey with a new kind of prayer and a new medium; listening for God's word(s) to me and clay. The problem was that I kept putting off starting. After all I had finally figured out what it means to listen to myself not to mention feeling more comfortable and confident with painting and now I have to switch gears. What if I do it wrong?
Ok, seriously, that question is getting old. When I finally pushed past those lingering thoughts and took the time out of my week (just an hour) I realized that this assignment is probably easier than anything I've done so far. For years now I have been in the process of "discerning" or listening to God in my life and of all the different varieties of art clay is the one I am most familiar with. So I pulled out my old musty tools, grabbed my newly purchased box of Sculpy clay, found a comfortable spot and got started.
But the question still lingers; what is God saying to me today? Well once I took about 10 seconds of time for myself to sit in silence the answer seemed almost too obvious. This week is my second week of leading stewardship Bible studies and has been so busy that I have hardly seen my husband or sat down for more than 5 minutes. Oh and this week our Bible study is focusing on time, how we use it and how it relates to stewardship.
This week God is telling me to take time. Take time for those I love. Take time to be still and breath. Take time to take care of myself (eating well, exercising, sleeping) as well as the little girl that is growing inside of me. And maybe most of all that all of this is a gift not something else to be added to the to-do list. As a matter of fact, the to do list can wait and time can be taken for myself, those I love and God.
With these thoughts and this prayer I began warming the clay in my hands, time melted away and I was able to just be still, stop thinking and enjoy. And as an image of time came into my head my hands began to work and the amazing part was that the normal worries of self doubt and ability never reared their ugly heads. And I worked on and ended up with this:
A pocket watch, a symbol of time and maybe in some ways a reminder of simpler times before the world seemed constantly busy. One of the reasons I love pocket watches so much is that often they were and sometimes still are given as gifts and the time is taken to engrave them. This one fits that pattern too. It says "A Gift for You". This week, once I got started, it was easier to hear God's message to me and enter into the creative act. I believe this is partly because of the clay but also partly because God has been whispering this message to me for the past few days as I have been hearing stories and joining in conversation about time and stewardship. It is a simple message but one that is easy to overlook, especially for people like me whose to do lists are longer than there are hours in the day. So today is a day off and I am going to treasure this gift that God has given me rather than worry and struggle to get everything done.
Ok, seriously, that question is getting old. When I finally pushed past those lingering thoughts and took the time out of my week (just an hour) I realized that this assignment is probably easier than anything I've done so far. For years now I have been in the process of "discerning" or listening to God in my life and of all the different varieties of art clay is the one I am most familiar with. So I pulled out my old musty tools, grabbed my newly purchased box of Sculpy clay, found a comfortable spot and got started.
But the question still lingers; what is God saying to me today? Well once I took about 10 seconds of time for myself to sit in silence the answer seemed almost too obvious. This week is my second week of leading stewardship Bible studies and has been so busy that I have hardly seen my husband or sat down for more than 5 minutes. Oh and this week our Bible study is focusing on time, how we use it and how it relates to stewardship.
This week God is telling me to take time. Take time for those I love. Take time to be still and breath. Take time to take care of myself (eating well, exercising, sleeping) as well as the little girl that is growing inside of me. And maybe most of all that all of this is a gift not something else to be added to the to-do list. As a matter of fact, the to do list can wait and time can be taken for myself, those I love and God.
With these thoughts and this prayer I began warming the clay in my hands, time melted away and I was able to just be still, stop thinking and enjoy. And as an image of time came into my head my hands began to work and the amazing part was that the normal worries of self doubt and ability never reared their ugly heads. And I worked on and ended up with this:
A pocket watch, a symbol of time and maybe in some ways a reminder of simpler times before the world seemed constantly busy. One of the reasons I love pocket watches so much is that often they were and sometimes still are given as gifts and the time is taken to engrave them. This one fits that pattern too. It says "A Gift for You". This week, once I got started, it was easier to hear God's message to me and enter into the creative act. I believe this is partly because of the clay but also partly because God has been whispering this message to me for the past few days as I have been hearing stories and joining in conversation about time and stewardship. It is a simple message but one that is easy to overlook, especially for people like me whose to do lists are longer than there are hours in the day. So today is a day off and I am going to treasure this gift that God has given me rather than worry and struggle to get everything done.
Friday, October 18, 2013
A Final Painting
It's been one of those weeks for me. You know the kind. The kind where everything seems to be wrong or off or unobtainable. Some of this has to do with crazy pregnancy hormones and some of it has to do with entirely too many things in my life that are out of my control. I'd be kidding myself if I ever even attempted to say that I don't like to be in control, or at the very least have a plan. But this has been one of those weeks where no amount of planning would have paid off. This week has been filled with frustrations, anxiety, fears, lack of motivation and all kind of other fun emotions that when experienced one at a time are completely manageable but when experienced all together lead to a night of crying and wishing I could just drink a glass of wine. And so with all of this I kept putting off my time with God and painting in order to get something, anything, crossed off my entirely too long to do list. As Saturday approached Frank asked if we were going to paint (as I had asked him if he'd paint with me so that I could "practice" leading someone else through this process).
So Saturday rolled around and I had a painting date with my husband and I couldn't put it off any longer. As we got paints, brushes and canvas set out my heart still wasn't in it and when Frank asked how we do this I explained my usual process of picking Psalm, sitting with it and then painting my prayer and this of course led him to ask what Psalm we were using today. I told him to pick one while I tried to get out of my blah mood and into the "creative" frame of mind. He picked Psalm 67 which says,
"God, mark us with grace and blessing! Smile! The whole country will see how you work, all the godless nations see how you save. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Let all far-flung people become happy and shout their happiness because you judge them fair and square, you tend the far-flung people. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Earth, display your exuberance! You mark us with blessing, O God, our God. You mark us with blessing, O God. Earth's four corners -- honor him!" (The Message).
So...this Psalm expresses the polar oposite of how I've been feeling. But it also expresses how I long to feel. Not only has it been a long week but the days are getting shorter and I more and more often feel grumpy. I'm not sure if it's the Seasonal Affective Disorder kicking in, the pregnancy hormones, the long tireing days or some combination but I am tired of feeling irritated and grumpy, I am tired of spending my evenings complaining to my husband rather than enjoying our time together and I am tired of not feeling like myself. I am craving this kind of praising and joy of God that the Psalmist is expressing. And so with all these feelings I began to paint.
I began to paint blue lines, lines of chaos, anxiety, frustration, fear and pain. Then I found myself painting with bright vibrant yellow, these words of blessing, praise, joy and presence of God streaking into life and comingling with the blue. I finished by painting a green backdrop surrounding it all, the color of creation itself, the color of new life. It is my plea for God to break into my world, to help me to dwell on and see all that I have to be joyful about, because it is so very much rather than just seeing the chaos. As I look at this painting now, a day later, I see the creation story told. God breaking into the chaos, ordering it and turning it into something new. In a way I guess my prayer is a prayer as old as time.
This week, I didn't struggle with feeling the need to paint something truly great or the self talk that told me it wouldn't be good. Instead I struggled simply to get started. I thought I needed to be in a good place, a happy place, a Bob Ross kind of place to enter into this kind of prayer and I was very wrong. One of the biggest surprises for me this week was the simplicity and beauty of painting side by side with my husband. I thought for sure that I would fall into negative patterns, comparing my work with his and wondering why my painting was so bad or not right. Instead, I really enjoyed being able to look over and see him painting. I did not compare our works or even compare them but instead just took joy in watching him create.
Even though I didn't really feel like painting, I am really glad I did.
So Saturday rolled around and I had a painting date with my husband and I couldn't put it off any longer. As we got paints, brushes and canvas set out my heart still wasn't in it and when Frank asked how we do this I explained my usual process of picking Psalm, sitting with it and then painting my prayer and this of course led him to ask what Psalm we were using today. I told him to pick one while I tried to get out of my blah mood and into the "creative" frame of mind. He picked Psalm 67 which says,
"God, mark us with grace and blessing! Smile! The whole country will see how you work, all the godless nations see how you save. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Let all far-flung people become happy and shout their happiness because you judge them fair and square, you tend the far-flung people. God! Let people thank and enjoy you. Let all people thank and enjoy you. Earth, display your exuberance! You mark us with blessing, O God, our God. You mark us with blessing, O God. Earth's four corners -- honor him!" (The Message).
So...this Psalm expresses the polar oposite of how I've been feeling. But it also expresses how I long to feel. Not only has it been a long week but the days are getting shorter and I more and more often feel grumpy. I'm not sure if it's the Seasonal Affective Disorder kicking in, the pregnancy hormones, the long tireing days or some combination but I am tired of feeling irritated and grumpy, I am tired of spending my evenings complaining to my husband rather than enjoying our time together and I am tired of not feeling like myself. I am craving this kind of praising and joy of God that the Psalmist is expressing. And so with all these feelings I began to paint.
I began to paint blue lines, lines of chaos, anxiety, frustration, fear and pain. Then I found myself painting with bright vibrant yellow, these words of blessing, praise, joy and presence of God streaking into life and comingling with the blue. I finished by painting a green backdrop surrounding it all, the color of creation itself, the color of new life. It is my plea for God to break into my world, to help me to dwell on and see all that I have to be joyful about, because it is so very much rather than just seeing the chaos. As I look at this painting now, a day later, I see the creation story told. God breaking into the chaos, ordering it and turning it into something new. In a way I guess my prayer is a prayer as old as time.
This week, I didn't struggle with feeling the need to paint something truly great or the self talk that told me it wouldn't be good. Instead I struggled simply to get started. I thought I needed to be in a good place, a happy place, a Bob Ross kind of place to enter into this kind of prayer and I was very wrong. One of the biggest surprises for me this week was the simplicity and beauty of painting side by side with my husband. I thought for sure that I would fall into negative patterns, comparing my work with his and wondering why my painting was so bad or not right. Instead, I really enjoyed being able to look over and see him painting. I did not compare our works or even compare them but instead just took joy in watching him create.
Even though I didn't really feel like painting, I am really glad I did.
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Another Prayer, Another Painting
Yesterday began another adventure in painting and prayer. It was one of those beautiful Northwestern Minnesota fall days. Sunny, a touch of coolness in the air, changing colors and a LOT of wind. We're not talking gentle breezes, we're talking steady 20+ mph winds with gusts around 40mph. Yep, it was a pretty normal fall day up in these parts and it was beautiful.
Now I tell you these weather conditions not so that you will feel sorry for me and the plight of those who live on the flat land, but more to help you get into my mindset. This time of year the leaves are falling, the seeds have dried and that gloriously strong and aggressive wind stirs everything up and spreads potential new life to a new places. I like to remind myself of this fact partly because it is true and sets my mind on the complexity of the creation we live in and the reality of the death and resurrection we see day in and day out but also partly because it's hard to be joyful when you fear the wind is going to blow you over.
So this is the mindset I was in when I began my prayer practice of painting; enjoying the sunshine and marveling at God's continual acts of creation in our world. And then I read these words in the Psalms, "Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers, for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb." Psalm 37: 1-2. Ok, probably not the most cheery of verses but it got me thinking, once again about this process of renewal. The grass fades and the green herb withers but that does not mean it is gone forever. God brings forth new life from that fading and withering. Sometimes death must come before newness and life can spring forth.
With all of these thoughts and feelings and such a great success from last week, I began to think about what I "should" paint. I tried to force my prayers into paint and canvas. And you know what? It was stressing me out. I was trying too hard and thinking too much and was more in my way than I had been the week before. I was trying to make this be the perfect expression of myself and my prayer and I quickly realized how silly that was. So I took a few deep breaths, sat in silence, let go of any preconceived notions of what this painting or my prayer would be and I began to paint...
...and this is what came forth. Now to simply look at it, you may think I simply painted what was outside my window. Maybe in some ways that is true, but it goes deeper than that. This is my prayer for renewal, for the seeds of my life to be scattered by the wind of the Holy Spirit and to have new life breathed into me. It is a simple prayer and I see it and feel it every time I look out the window or see a post about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Sweaters. It has been a long journey to get to this point, I have been taking classes and filling out paperwork, I got married, we are having a baby. It's all incredibly exciting and yet come February my world changes. We will, in-fact, have a baby. I will be done with classes and internship and awaiting graduation. God willing, I will have been approved and assigned and awaiting a call. The seeds that have been and continue to mature are ready to be scattered and newness is awaiting me and it is my prayer that God work through each and every one of those seeds to bring about something beautiful and unexpected and new. And maybe more importantly, that I will be ready.
Now I tell you these weather conditions not so that you will feel sorry for me and the plight of those who live on the flat land, but more to help you get into my mindset. This time of year the leaves are falling, the seeds have dried and that gloriously strong and aggressive wind stirs everything up and spreads potential new life to a new places. I like to remind myself of this fact partly because it is true and sets my mind on the complexity of the creation we live in and the reality of the death and resurrection we see day in and day out but also partly because it's hard to be joyful when you fear the wind is going to blow you over.
So this is the mindset I was in when I began my prayer practice of painting; enjoying the sunshine and marveling at God's continual acts of creation in our world. And then I read these words in the Psalms, "Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers, for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb." Psalm 37: 1-2. Ok, probably not the most cheery of verses but it got me thinking, once again about this process of renewal. The grass fades and the green herb withers but that does not mean it is gone forever. God brings forth new life from that fading and withering. Sometimes death must come before newness and life can spring forth.
With all of these thoughts and feelings and such a great success from last week, I began to think about what I "should" paint. I tried to force my prayers into paint and canvas. And you know what? It was stressing me out. I was trying too hard and thinking too much and was more in my way than I had been the week before. I was trying to make this be the perfect expression of myself and my prayer and I quickly realized how silly that was. So I took a few deep breaths, sat in silence, let go of any preconceived notions of what this painting or my prayer would be and I began to paint...
...and this is what came forth. Now to simply look at it, you may think I simply painted what was outside my window. Maybe in some ways that is true, but it goes deeper than that. This is my prayer for renewal, for the seeds of my life to be scattered by the wind of the Holy Spirit and to have new life breathed into me. It is a simple prayer and I see it and feel it every time I look out the window or see a post about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Sweaters. It has been a long journey to get to this point, I have been taking classes and filling out paperwork, I got married, we are having a baby. It's all incredibly exciting and yet come February my world changes. We will, in-fact, have a baby. I will be done with classes and internship and awaiting graduation. God willing, I will have been approved and assigned and awaiting a call. The seeds that have been and continue to mature are ready to be scattered and newness is awaiting me and it is my prayer that God work through each and every one of those seeds to bring about something beautiful and unexpected and new. And maybe more importantly, that I will be ready.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Creativity: What's in the Way?
This week I've been thinking a lot about creativity and maybe more importantly what gets in the way. Creativity is something that flows forth from us humans in amazing ways. Whether it's being struck by a new idea, trying a new recipe, dancing in our kitchens, painting or any number of other things, creativity seems to sneak in when we least expect it and sometimes it's even hard to recognize it for what it is. For example, this morning I made chicken wild rice soup for my husband and a few friends who were out on a long bike ride. I didn't pull out my mom's recipe because by this point it is a part of me. That being said, the recipe only calls for onion and celery but we had a few more veggies that needed to be used up; carrots, mushrooms, turnips and potatoes so into the pot they all went and it was a huge success. I do not say this to brag, although it was pretty awesome soup, but to illustrate how mundane creativity can seem. A few weeks ago I would have never thought of this act of cooking as a moment of creativity. I love to cook and often spend way too much time looking at recipes online, in magazines, on television or in cookbooks and it's how I show love to those in my life. But today, I knew the recipe and I took a risk and it turns out that creativity found its way into my normal routine and it was delicious.
And then, I saw this:
And it was amazing and beautiful and joy-filled and it got me thinking about all that creativity is and all that gets in our way. When I began cooking I followed the recipe to the letter, even when it was a recipe that was taught without one, and let's face it, most the best ones are. But as I cooked more and more I began to eyeball amounts, make substitutions and completely leave the recipes out of the equation and in so doing have been opened up to creativity sneaking in. But what was stopping this before? Well, knowing myself as well as I do, it would be that I was afraid to get it wrong, for the recipe to not turn out right and to disappoint myself and the loved ones I was feeding. Isn't this so often how we live our lives? Afraid to try something or be opened up to creativity for fear of not doing it right or it being bad. As I've begun painting, these are often the thoughts that still wander through my head and sometimes it takes a lot to push them aside, be open, trust myself and let the creative process wash over me rather than try to hold it hostage.
Now, back to the video I posted. I was amazed at the willingness and joy of those on the street who stepped up to conduct these amazingly tallented musicians. Some were self conscious and others let go and became a beautiful part of this creative act. Could these musicians have conducted themselves and given a beautiful street performance? Yes, of course they could. But with the willingness of these bystanders to step up and dare to try something new, the music was different than it has ever been or will ever be again; taking on each of their own unique and distinct personalities and styles. They became a part of this music and were part of creating something beautiful. They didn't let their negative self talk and worry about doing it right stand in their way and creativity once again quietly slipped in and produced something amazing.
So my hope for myself and for any of you still with me, is that we can boldly step past the negative self talk we have been taught and have built up in our lives and allow creativity to quietly sneak in.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
A Beautiful Morning for Painting
Yesterday I had my first adventure with Prayer as Creativity, ok first official adventure with prayer as creativity. I set aside a few hours on a beautiful sunny morning to spend some time with God and to paint.
The sun was streaming in the windows, I had a steaming cup of tea, my painting supplies and my favorite meditation partner, Max the cat.
I decided to look at the Psalm for this coming Sunday (Psalm 146) as my grounding point but the gentle breeze coming in through my window kept bringing me to Psalm 148 as well. Both these Psalms joyfully praise God for all that God has done and created and given.
And so, I painted and after about an hour of reading, meditating and painting this is what found its way out onto the canvas...
And now today, it is time to reflect on what took place in that hour and since then.
During that hour my internal dialogue started off sounding something like "what should I paint? Should I paint what I hear in the scripture or my deepest darkest prayer? How do I start? What color do I start with? Big brush or little? Why does an umbrella keep popping into my head?" And so on, until finally I just told myself to shut up and started, slowly and deliberate and cautiously but I started and it took every ounce of my being to shut myself up, stop worrying if it would be good or not and just paint. And as I painted and the minutes ticked on it got easier and even the umbrella found a place in my gem of a painting.
When I first finished it, I knew it was what I had set out to paint, I knew that it was my prayer to God but I wasn't entirely sure why. So the more time I've spent with it and the more I listen to how I have been feeling the more I see what my prayer really was. Lately, blame it on pregnancy hormones, changing weather or any number of other things, I have been frustrated by the cloud of negativity and doubt and general grumpiness that seems to find its way into my day. I have been desiring the clouds to break so that I can more fully feel the joys in my life, the joys God has given me. And this is what I painted, God's grace and love and joy and presence breaking through the clouds of negativity, doubt, pain and fear and not only breaking through these clouds but taking them over and burning them off as the sun burns off the fog in the mornings. But what about the umbrella that so filled my thoughts? Well, it's the world, the thing that was created to give us shelter and rest. Not only does God break through the clouds into my life but He also breaks through the clouds that seem to blanket out world and brings us the promises that only He can bring.
So with this first painting, I got out of my own way and painted a deep prayer to God for renewal and joy without even realizing it. It's really an amazing and strange experience to get out of your own way and tap into something unknown, unrealized and unspoken and bring it to life. This makes me eager to continue down this road of prayer and creativity.
I decided to look at the Psalm for this coming Sunday (Psalm 146) as my grounding point but the gentle breeze coming in through my window kept bringing me to Psalm 148 as well. Both these Psalms joyfully praise God for all that God has done and created and given.
And so, I painted and after about an hour of reading, meditating and painting this is what found its way out onto the canvas...
And now today, it is time to reflect on what took place in that hour and since then.
During that hour my internal dialogue started off sounding something like "what should I paint? Should I paint what I hear in the scripture or my deepest darkest prayer? How do I start? What color do I start with? Big brush or little? Why does an umbrella keep popping into my head?" And so on, until finally I just told myself to shut up and started, slowly and deliberate and cautiously but I started and it took every ounce of my being to shut myself up, stop worrying if it would be good or not and just paint. And as I painted and the minutes ticked on it got easier and even the umbrella found a place in my gem of a painting.
When I first finished it, I knew it was what I had set out to paint, I knew that it was my prayer to God but I wasn't entirely sure why. So the more time I've spent with it and the more I listen to how I have been feeling the more I see what my prayer really was. Lately, blame it on pregnancy hormones, changing weather or any number of other things, I have been frustrated by the cloud of negativity and doubt and general grumpiness that seems to find its way into my day. I have been desiring the clouds to break so that I can more fully feel the joys in my life, the joys God has given me. And this is what I painted, God's grace and love and joy and presence breaking through the clouds of negativity, doubt, pain and fear and not only breaking through these clouds but taking them over and burning them off as the sun burns off the fog in the mornings. But what about the umbrella that so filled my thoughts? Well, it's the world, the thing that was created to give us shelter and rest. Not only does God break through the clouds into my life but He also breaks through the clouds that seem to blanket out world and brings us the promises that only He can bring.
So with this first painting, I got out of my own way and painted a deep prayer to God for renewal and joy without even realizing it. It's really an amazing and strange experience to get out of your own way and tap into something unknown, unrealized and unspoken and bring it to life. This makes me eager to continue down this road of prayer and creativity.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Prayer and Creativity
Today officially begins my last class as a Luther Seminary Student! It's all very exciting and yet feels completely unreal since I still have about five months left of internship. Oh well, I will take what I can get! What might be more exciting than the fact that this is my last class is that this is also my first independent study, it focuses on prayer as creativity and I am being guided through it by Trey Everet out of the Micah Institute in Crookston.
Over the next nine weeks, I will be exploring three different areas of creativity: painting, sculpture and movement of some kind (possibly just walking/hiking and possibly belly dancing...only time will tell). I am planning on spending three weeks exploring each of these areas of creativity and figure out how they fit in with prayer and meditation. I'll be honest, this is super exciting and yet I feel completely unprepared for what this will look like and mean for my prayer life; maybe it will work and maybe it won't.
These first three weeks I'm focusing on painting and with a little guidance from Trey we decided on a basic "formula" to start with. This "formula" is simple, it's ancient and let's hope it works. It starts with Scripture (possibly a Psalm), followed by some meditation, painting my prayer to God and then reflecting on the process. Seems pretty simple right?
The biggest struggle for this adventure is getting out of my own way. I have never painted before, nor have I ever really sculpted and I have a slight tendency to want to make everything perfect or do things the right way, as I'm sure most of us can relate to. But, throughout this process, the whole goal is to get out of my own way, to move beyond the mind and key into body and emotion and those other aspects of self that we so often push aside. The goal is a kind of effortless attention to that which is inside of me and letting it flow out and onto paper. This is one of the most exciting challenges I've faced in a long time and I know that some days will be easier than others but I am excited to enter into a new spiritual practice, learn more about prayer and figure out how to share it with others. And most of all I'm comforted that there's really no wrong way to do this.
Over the next nine weeks, I will be exploring three different areas of creativity: painting, sculpture and movement of some kind (possibly just walking/hiking and possibly belly dancing...only time will tell). I am planning on spending three weeks exploring each of these areas of creativity and figure out how they fit in with prayer and meditation. I'll be honest, this is super exciting and yet I feel completely unprepared for what this will look like and mean for my prayer life; maybe it will work and maybe it won't.
These first three weeks I'm focusing on painting and with a little guidance from Trey we decided on a basic "formula" to start with. This "formula" is simple, it's ancient and let's hope it works. It starts with Scripture (possibly a Psalm), followed by some meditation, painting my prayer to God and then reflecting on the process. Seems pretty simple right?
The biggest struggle for this adventure is getting out of my own way. I have never painted before, nor have I ever really sculpted and I have a slight tendency to want to make everything perfect or do things the right way, as I'm sure most of us can relate to. But, throughout this process, the whole goal is to get out of my own way, to move beyond the mind and key into body and emotion and those other aspects of self that we so often push aside. The goal is a kind of effortless attention to that which is inside of me and letting it flow out and onto paper. This is one of the most exciting challenges I've faced in a long time and I know that some days will be easier than others but I am excited to enter into a new spiritual practice, learn more about prayer and figure out how to share it with others. And most of all I'm comforted that there's really no wrong way to do this.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Without a Voice
I have recently fallen prey to allergies. On Monday I began to notice some extra stuffiness and a little tickle in my throat. On Thursday I began to notice that my voice was a little rough. And on Saturday I noticed that I had no voice what so ever. Of course this happens on a week when my supervising pastor is out of town and it's my responsiblity to not only preach but lead the whole service. So I began to brainstorm what a service might look like if I couldn't talk. It turns out it doesn't look all that different. I knew I could ask someone to chant and find people to read and whatnot but I did try to limit the times I'd be talking for extended times, i.e. the sermon and the prayers. So the sermon got scrapped and I decided to let the people do the talking with Lectio Devina and I typed up the prayers on the power point and let them read them.
It was awesome! Or at least it was for me and I hope it was for them.
They are, of course, the frozen chosen and although they didn't share their thoughts with the larger congregation after Lectio, they did seem to be having good conversation in small groups and many told me they appreciated the exercise and had lots to think about.
But more importantly, I had time to listen and this was the biggest gift I could have received. Since I still didn't have much of a voice, it forced me to stop, slow down and listen to the people. I heard the little old lady behind me sing the Kyrie with gusto but incredibly out of tune and off beat. I heard the children excited to bring offering forward. I heard the people of the church profess their faith and lift their prayers to God. It was amazing!
So I encourage you all, whether with voice or without, to stop and listen to the people around you. Hear how they sound, the inflection in their voices, their joy and excitement or sorrow and pain and take note of it. At times I find myself more focused on what comes next in the service or worrying about my sermon that I forget to actually hear the people and their beautiful voices being lifted up to God. Despite the struggles of the day and the scrambling to get ready, it was an amazing day full of blessings.
It was awesome! Or at least it was for me and I hope it was for them.
They are, of course, the frozen chosen and although they didn't share their thoughts with the larger congregation after Lectio, they did seem to be having good conversation in small groups and many told me they appreciated the exercise and had lots to think about.
But more importantly, I had time to listen and this was the biggest gift I could have received. Since I still didn't have much of a voice, it forced me to stop, slow down and listen to the people. I heard the little old lady behind me sing the Kyrie with gusto but incredibly out of tune and off beat. I heard the children excited to bring offering forward. I heard the people of the church profess their faith and lift their prayers to God. It was amazing!
So I encourage you all, whether with voice or without, to stop and listen to the people around you. Hear how they sound, the inflection in their voices, their joy and excitement or sorrow and pain and take note of it. At times I find myself more focused on what comes next in the service or worrying about my sermon that I forget to actually hear the people and their beautiful voices being lifted up to God. Despite the struggles of the day and the scrambling to get ready, it was an amazing day full of blessings.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother's Day
Today, after worship I was wished a happy mother's day by countless people. Now I know that I'm new but I'm pretty sure they know that I'm not a mother. In fact, I was even given a flower like the rest of the mothers in attendance. At first I was taken aback, not sure if I should correct people, thank them or just let it go, chocking it up to old age and forgetfulness (after all some of them probably thought I was Pastor Melodi even though I'm pretty clearly not). But as the cheerful Mother's Day greetings kept rolling in I found myself thanking them and feeling uplifted.
Now, I've always thought that the way we view "mothers" is entirely too limited. In today's society, that is so broken and mangled, there is often pain and sorrow surrounding mother's day for more reasons than I even care to count. We must acknowledge this pain but we must also uplift all those women who "mother" us. It is not some vague celebration of all women, it's more exclusive than that but it's also not so inclusive that it is restricted to the biological function of giving birth. It is the personal celebration of those women in our lives who have cared for us, uplifted us, loved us and taught us how to live; all the while remembering that those same women are human and sometimes fall short.
All this got me wondering - When does a woman become a mother? Is it when she gets pregnant the first time? When she gives birth? Or is it something else entirely? Is it when she first gives voice to her desire to have children? Is it a feeling or emotion that is indescribably? Or is it something that just happens one day when you find yourself caring deeply for the well-being of someone else?
I don't have any answers to this, but one thing is for sure, today I felt like a mother and I felt the joy and excitement of being with all those I love and care for both at church and at home.
Now, I've always thought that the way we view "mothers" is entirely too limited. In today's society, that is so broken and mangled, there is often pain and sorrow surrounding mother's day for more reasons than I even care to count. We must acknowledge this pain but we must also uplift all those women who "mother" us. It is not some vague celebration of all women, it's more exclusive than that but it's also not so inclusive that it is restricted to the biological function of giving birth. It is the personal celebration of those women in our lives who have cared for us, uplifted us, loved us and taught us how to live; all the while remembering that those same women are human and sometimes fall short.
All this got me wondering - When does a woman become a mother? Is it when she gets pregnant the first time? When she gives birth? Or is it something else entirely? Is it when she first gives voice to her desire to have children? Is it a feeling or emotion that is indescribably? Or is it something that just happens one day when you find yourself caring deeply for the well-being of someone else?
I don't have any answers to this, but one thing is for sure, today I felt like a mother and I felt the joy and excitement of being with all those I love and care for both at church and at home.
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