Patience

Yesterday I sat down, pulled out my clay and spent some quiet time listening to what God is saying to me today.  I have to admit, this kind of listening to God or discernment seems to be easier than listening to my own deep needs, wants and desires but sculpting the response seems to be a bit trickier than painting.  Maybe this is easier because I have more practice or maybe it seems easier because of all the time I've spent engaging scripture and God's people with the Bible study I've been leading.  Being in conversation with others around our daily practices of stewardship and encouraging one another to use those practices in God's world and where God is calling us seems to be a pretty good jumping off point for my creative prayer practices.  I don't seem to get in my own way or worry if what I make will be good or right instead there seems to be a slight worry that what I am hearing will be from within me rather than from God and I'm not sure what to do with that.  I guess it's part of the questions we all have when in the discernment process.  But as a man in one of my Bible studies this week said, "we can only try and listen to where God is leading us and hope that if we're on the wrong path God will straighten us out."  I thought that was pretty profound.

So yesterday I sat down at my table in silence, pulled out my clay and began warming it up in my hands, listening (I use Sculpy clay for those of you wondering.  It doesn't ever seem to dry out as long as you keep in in zip lock baggies and you can bake it when done.)  And as the clay warmed in my hand a word came to mind; patience, and then an image; cocoon.  So I began sculpting, firsts a cocoon and then a leaf and as I worked my mind continued to stay quiet except about what this image means in my life and soon the image of a cocoon and the word of patience had a whole lot more meaning for me.

Right now, I am on the cusp of so much newness and at times it can be overwhelming to try and imagine what the next 6 months looks like with a new baby, a changing marriage relationship, finishing the candidacy and schooling process, graduating and seeking a call not to mention trying to envision what the next 5 years looks like.  I just don't know, and for all of those of you who know me, I like to have a plan and right now my plan is pretty vague.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm excited about all of it; getting to meet our little girl, sharing in that with my husband, finishing up classes and internship and the candidacy process and setting out to see what God has in store for me but there are also many unknowns.  And yesterday, and today for that matter, God is reminding me to be patient, just as a butterfly must be patient before it sets out into the world with a new set of wings.  Right now I am in a cocoon.  It is relatively safe and secure (just like internship and school) and yet the whole wide world awaits outside its protective walls.  I may not know what is ahead of me and my family but I do know that just as God provides for all of the plants and animals, He also provides for all our needs.  I do not need to try and look far into the future and see what is coming, it is not time for that right now.  Right now, I need to be patient, stay in my cocoon a little longer and wait to see what my wings and the rest of the world will look like.  It's not an easy thing to hear, that it is time to be patient and not worry about planning too far ahead but it is a good reminder to live in the moment and enjoy what I have been blessed with now inside my safe little cocoon.