Another Prayer, Another Painting

Yesterday began another adventure in painting and prayer.  It was one of those beautiful Northwestern Minnesota fall days.  Sunny, a touch of coolness in the air, changing colors and a LOT of wind.  We're not talking gentle breezes, we're talking steady 20+ mph winds with gusts around 40mph.  Yep, it was a pretty normal fall day up in these parts and it was beautiful.

Now I tell you these weather conditions not so that you will feel sorry for me and the plight of those who live on the flat land, but more to help you get into my mindset.  This time of year the leaves are falling, the seeds have dried and that gloriously strong and aggressive wind stirs everything up and spreads potential new life to a new places.  I like to remind myself of this fact partly because it is true and sets my mind on the complexity of the creation we live in and the reality of the death and resurrection we see day in and day out but also partly because it's hard to be joyful when you fear the wind is going to blow you over.

So this is the mindset I was in when I began my prayer practice of painting; enjoying the sunshine and marveling at God's continual acts of creation in our world.  And then I read these words in the Psalms, "Do not fret because of the wicked; do not be envious of wrongdoers, for they will soon fade like the grass, and wither like the green herb." Psalm 37: 1-2.  Ok, probably not the most cheery of verses but it got me thinking, once again about this process of renewal.  The grass fades and the green herb withers but that does not mean it is gone forever.  God brings forth new life from that fading and withering.  Sometimes death must come before newness and life can spring forth.

With all of these thoughts and feelings and such a great success from last week, I began to think about what I "should" paint.  I tried to force my prayers into paint and canvas.  And you know what?  It was stressing me out.  I was trying too hard and thinking too much and was more in my way than I had been the week before.  I was trying to make this be the perfect expression of myself and my prayer and I quickly realized how silly that was.  So I took a few deep breaths, sat in silence, let go of any preconceived notions of what this painting or my prayer would be and I began to paint...

...and this is what came forth.  Now to simply look at it, you may think I simply painted what was outside my window.  Maybe in some ways that is true, but it goes deeper than that.  This is my prayer for renewal, for the seeds of my life to be scattered by the wind of the Holy Spirit and to have new life breathed into me.  It is a simple prayer and I see it and feel it every time I look out the window or see a post about Pumpkin Spice Lattes and Sweaters.  It has been a long journey to get to this point, I have been taking classes and filling out paperwork, I got married, we are having a baby.  It's all incredibly exciting and yet come February my world changes.  We will, in-fact, have a baby.  I will be done with classes and internship and awaiting graduation.  God willing, I will have been approved and assigned and awaiting a call.  The seeds that have been and continue to mature are ready to be scattered and newness is awaiting me and it is my prayer that God work through each and every one of those seeds to bring about something beautiful and unexpected and new.  And maybe more importantly, that I will be ready.