Things They Don't Tell You About

This is my top 10 or so list of things no one ever told me about being a new parent.  They are in on I particular order and they are all from my experience so take them or leave them.

There is nothing more exciting than burps and poop.

Even if your newborn only sleeps for three hours at a time, this will feel like paradise after waking up every hour and wandering around the house in the middle of the night because there was no possible way you could get or stay comfortable during your last month or two of pregnancy.

The hunger is real my friends and between the craving for all things bread when your milk comes in and the general hunger that follows you around all day every day there is no escaping the constant feeling of hunger no matter how much you eat.

This one may be unique to me but I was cold the entire first two months post-partum.  There really is something to those cultures that go as far as building fires under new mother's beds to keep them warm.  It may sound extreme but I wish someone had done it for me.

If you're breastfeeding or pumping your breasts will hurt all the time.  I don't mean the horror stories you hear of cracked and bleeding nipples or the realities of blocked ducts but I mean just a general soreness and discomfort that starts 30 minutes to an hour after you pump/feed and lasts until you pump/feed again. 

You will love this little person in ways you did not even think possible.  Ok, maybe they do tell you this but I didn't really understand.  Before she was born I thought I already loved and then she was born and I realized that that love was just the tip of the iceberg.

Other people will openly tell you what you should be doing, all the time, without asking if you want advice.  Their advice, no matter how awful it may sound comes from to good place and they assume your experience is exactly like theirs...so feel free to ignore this entire list ;)

The first time you pawn your small infant off on someone, especially a male, who has never held a baby before is simply priceless!

There is nothing harder than leaving the hospital without your child, even if they are perfectly fine and nothing is wrong your heart will beak, you will cry and you will be angry.  

Grandparents and other visitors are wonderful but I wish I had asked them not to come or at least asked them to stay in a hotel rather than stay with us.  Your body is recovering from trauma, your life will forever be different, you are figuring out what it means to be a family and all you want to do an snuggle and bond with that little bundle of joy which makes it incredibly hard to be happy to hand them over to anyone else, including your husband.

If you labor at all your entire body will hurt.  If you push it will hurt in indifferent ways than if you have a c-section but either way it will hurt the next day because you worked hard to have this beautiful little baby.  I did not expect my arms and back to ach as much as they did, even propping myself up in bed took incredible effort.

This one is from a little further down the line: the first time or twelve you tell your beautiful child "no" after they pull your hair or try to put soap in their mouthes and they laugh at you it's really hard not to laugh back.

A Hard Life Lesson That I'm Still No Good At

I want to preface this post by saying that I've always thought of myself as being good at taking care of myself and I don't mean that in a "I can pay the bills and do the dishes" kind of way but in a "self care, mental/emotional" kind of way.  That being said, here we go:

A few weeks ago Frank went with an amazing group of youth and adults to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in South Dakota for a weeklong mission trip.  They had an amazing time and brought back many memories and new friendships.  I however, stayed at home with Natalie.  This at-home-ness was simultaneously wonderful and downright difficult.  It was so much fun to be with out little girl and watch her learn and grow, take long naps together and play the day away but it was difficult when she would get fussy or I would get overwhelmed and have no partner there to step in, instead I just had to suck it up and deal.  This at-home-ness was also really lonely with no one to share my day with or just chat with over dinner especially when juxtaposed with the stories of deepening relationships and intense community that were being shared by my husband.

It was a hard week but because I was relatively on my own, my routine had to change up and this was where a lot of joy was found.  During a normal week, Frank and I get up early, he goes and works out while I get ready and hang out with Natalie.  When he gets back I go workout and am often back by the time he's done showering and ready to head off to work at which point I pray Natalie naps or plays while I shower and we go about our day from there.  My days are filled with trying to sneak things into our schedule so as to not burden Frank with having Natalie at the office for too long, because let's face it, I know better than anyone how hard it can be to get things done with her around.  But this week was different, I didn't have my spouse to switch off with and had to find something different.  Instead, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday I dropped Natalie off with Heather our wonderful church secretary for an hour or so (usually turned into a full morning of visiting) while I went and worked out, grabbed a shower and maybe moved the laundry. This was actually a great arrangement as I think Heather was a little lonely in the office being the entire rest of the office staff was gone on the mission trip as well.  And on Tuesday and Thursday I dropped her off with a couple of girls while I got my workout in, went to the barn and got some housework done.  They generally had her for about 4 hours and it was wonderful.  

This simple act of lineing people up to watch Natalie for small chunks of the day was so wonderful because it allowed me not only time away and to myself but it also allowed me to not feel rushed.  I didn't feel rushed to start my workout, I didn't feel rushed to get through my workout and I didn't feel rushed to get a shower, or go to the barn or do some chores around the house which in turn allowed me to enjoy the things which feed my soul as well as get some projects done, keep the house clean and enjoy all of it!  

You see, I learned during this week that I am terrible at taking care of myself and that I need to be quicker and better at asking for help.  I put everyone elses needs before my own unless forced.  But when I finally asked for help, I realized that there is a better way that allows me to better care for my own needs, physically, emotionally and spiritually but it also allows me to better care for those around me.  This is the hardest lesson ever and I know that I'm not the only person who struggles with it.  It's why we talked so much at the seminary about "self care" and I thought I was doing it right, exercising, taking time for devotions or artistic activities, and going to the barn to see my horse but I was failing miserably.  All these things that feed and nourish me were being rushed and becoming little more than things on my to do list.  I learned again what it means to ask for help so that I could really take care of myself and in so doing I was able to see how enjoyable everything I was experiencing could be, including  a fussy baby.

This lesson has hit home even more these two weeks since Frank has been back because I feel back in that place of rushing to help lessen his burden while he is at work and because of it everything is suffering.  I'm crankier, I don't enjoy much of the day to day and I am getting NOTHING done.  Apparently eventhough I learned this valuable lesson I'm still incredibly terrible at asking for help and taking care of myself.  Don't worry, I'm working on it.